vulnerable.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
with ♥ 8:49 PM
i guess we're all vulnerable. like i once told chang, i hate it that i cant control my own life and yet it controls me. im not a christian so i dont believe in god and his path for his followers etc. but buddhism just teaches you how to lead your life to the fullest. so technically im quite annoyed i cannot control my life. bad/weird things are still happening to me. like today there were these 2 really ZOMFG annoying men who thinks the world revolves around them. sigh. i hope the sun comes out soon.
i guess we cannot control life and death, and it is inevitable. but the last time someone i know died [my grandpa] was when i was really young, and i dont rmb ath. vague. but this time, now that im 18, the pain is unbearable. although i dont know how jac looked like, and i barely know her and only wrote letters....she's still my friend who loves stitch too. :( its really scary how life can manipulate us. just a few days back i smsed her and although i can sense her pain, she tried to show me she's ok... she's really strong. :( i know its rather silly of me to like, bawl over it but i just feel really sad. and i hope she's happy wherever she is... you've been really strong, and its time for you to live happily. i hope the stitch stuff i gave you cheered you up; you'll be dearly missed, jac.this incident jolted me awake to reality. of how lucky i am to be who i am, to have the family i have, to have my friends, to have my darling. i sat silent and pondered for very long, numb. i cannot imagine how life'd be like without all these people. and i swear i'll try my very best to be nice to everyone. and just now while smsing baby, i tot of life without him. i think it was really scary thought, cos i burst into tears. [i think my water retention problem is solved cos i cried alot just now.] okay i think im gettin incoherent. i dont really know what to say cos my emotions are like in a vortex now all mixed up. but i really feel lucky now. and ms johnson, thanks for everything. after talking to you i felt alot better. my parents kinda freaked out when they heard me bawl. esp my dad he looked so helpless. love you daddy.
anyway. to cheer this gloomy post up. i bought shorts frm cotton on, and a tanktop darling loved me wearing. it was stupid cos the shorts one for 30 bucks, two also for 30. anyway i need shorts so i bought two.
and im
feeling loved cos me and baby got over a quarrel last night and i will change for him just like he's trying to for me. <3 quarrels are kinda nice cos i guess without them the relationship is flawed. and it's quarrels that bring two ppl closer than ever, if they are meant for each other. and i do feel closer to dear and our relationship is stronger after every arguement.. :)
and i think doing DIY with baby is really fun and it's like sth we both enjoy and its so sweet. :) i hope holidays come soon so that darling can finally bake with me.
and i really like my rainbow billabong slippers.
and i decided i wan t get the nike bagpack cos my puma's falling apart and
EVERYONE tells me how dirty it is.
and today baby met my parents for lunch;
it was lovely. crystal jade makes me happy. and seeing my parents pleased with my baby makes me happy too. it aint easy to get my parents stamp of approval.
okay im getting teary again. i'll cherish what i have now. <3 i will.
okay tmr is orientation i hope my OG is fun, yay. and vday is coming soon. :D hope i have the energy to write everyone's letters.
and im really excited to see baby FIX UP his present. hints, my love. :) and DIY with baby again! and cook. :)
and well i feel quite disoriented and messy and tired and my room is messy. i hope things will get ok soon. its time to study hard! 10 months is very short. go go go!!
in the meanwhile.... my tv show start alrdy. shall watch to cheer myself up. yay yay dance flow!
-jinghui-
Labels: cherish.
